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De:
Naomi
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Escrita
: 09-03-2017
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Será enviada
: 09-03-2023
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From 9 March 2017
I sit here during Plus period, working on my Math homework as I have the 4/5 Unit Test tomorrow. Today was my first time present my discussion in class. It was choppy, I must admit. I was nervous, what can I say? I've been dreading this moment for ages- since January, actually. I say this with a mellow, kind of dull, depressed mood. My eyes are half lidded b/c I have just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Mason tapping loudly during my speech and everyone else's loud breaths and sighs. Everything was so loud and the red cold, not hot anger just pulsed through me. I want to break the table and slice the back of his smooth neck with a big knife, slitting it open and letting crimson blood spray out. I wanted to jump into the pool and feel the needle prick of the ice cold water sting my skin and feel the panic rising in me. I wanted to scream and shout and watch my cries rise like bubble to the surface- like in the Descendants (pool scene with Tris). Leaving me breathless, cold, and numb. I promised myself I would never let anyone bring me down that much and make me feel that miserable. But I guess I was wrong. I am tired of life, or my constant unconscious thoughts and cares about people. And their opinions. One day I'll do something great. And show all these nay-sayers that they were wrong. And nothing can hold me down.
I sit here during Plus period, working on my Math homework as I have the 4/5 Unit Test tomorrow. Today was my first time present my discussion in class. It was choppy, I must admit. I was nervous, what can I say? I've been dreading this moment for ages- since January, actually. I say this with a mellow, kind of dull, depressed mood. My eyes are half lidded b/c I have just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Mason tapping loudly during my speech and everyone else's loud breaths and sighs. Everything was so loud and the red cold, not hot anger just pulsed through me. I want to break the table and slice the back of his smooth neck with a big knife, slitting it open and letting crimson blood spray out. I wanted to jump into the pool and feel the needle prick of the ice cold water sting my skin and feel the panic rising in me. I wanted to scream and shout and watch my cries rise like bubble to the surface- like in the Descendants (pool scene with Tris). Leaving me breathless, cold, and numb. I promised myself I would never let anyone bring me down that much and make me feel that miserable. But I guess I was wrong. I am tired of life, or my constant unconscious thoughts and cares about people. And their opinions. One day I'll do something great. And show all these nay-sayers that they were wrong. And nothing can hold me down.
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