Dear Futurekezz, I am writing to you again because I just feel like I have no one in my life whom I can talk to freely right now. I was also wondering how you were doing. Are you still feeling lonely? Or do you have someone you can actually open your heart to now? I really hope you do.

You know, sometimes I feel so out of place, in the classroom, outside, in a group setting, with my friends, at times even when I'm alone...it's like I don't belong anywhere. Something as simple as talking and bonding with others feels like a huge task to me right now, which is also why I don't have any friends in this college beside my three old friends I met in high school. It's not that I don't like having them as my friends, I do, I really do. I love them. But they have other friend groups, all of them do, whereas I only have them. This has always weighed on my heart, but I could never bring it to say or think, let alone write it online to send it to myself in the future. But today, I felt like I had to let it out somehow, so I chose this site. I'm not jealous because they have other friends. They can do whatever they want and befriend whoever they like. It's just that I envy them...?? I envy how they make friends so easily. I wish I could do that. To become someone's friend, do we need to make an effort?? But friendship shouldn't feel like you're constantly trying to convince someone to like you, right? I feel like it should come naturally, like how I became friends with those 6 girls I met in high school, whom I still keep in touch with. It felt natural with them... like we were meant to be friends, you know? I might just be the problem, maybe something's wrong with me. Do I seem unapproachable? Or do they just think my "vibe" is off? Anyways, I just wanted to let it all out and I kind of did, so that would be it for today. When you read this right now, it may seem like such a little thing to you, especially since a lot of time has passed. or maybe not... maybe you're still going through the same thing, just in a different place surrounded by a different group of people.

ps~ I wish for your awkwardness or anything that's holding you down to outgrow you, and I hope you are kind to others, but most importantly be kind to yourself. Because you can only truly show kindness to others when you have learned to be kind to yourself, right?