Hi Afra, it's me. I'm currently 15 years old, it is April 13th 2020 at 12:44 am. I'm sitting at my desk in my pyjamas, with my dédi blanket on my lap. Today/yesterday I guess was Easter Sunday. I decorated the Osterbaum, made Hefezopf and a Kaiser lamb cake. Papa made roast and I mashed the potatoes. It was a really good day. The sun was shining, everything was happy. It is quarter to 1 now, though, and I feel really tired. Not tired like when you have a bad night, but tired emotionally. I have felt so drained for a while now. I guess it isn't all that bad, not if you really look hard at it. I've felt tired since Sec 2 at least. I don't really talk to anyone. Gab is just plain boring, Alex asked me for my cinnamon bun recipe today and it was sweet but just so plain and shallow. All the others, Daph and Ro and Beth and Ari are part of the ditdit squad bullshit. I'm so tired. I can't wait to graduate and go to cégep, only one year and a bit to go. We'll be posted out of here and I can restart a little bit, at least until I graduate cégep and drop everything to go to Germany. I wonder if I will actually have gone through with it and moved there. I hope I have, I hope you have. My german right now is terrible, so I hope that I'll have improved a bit in 5 years! Gotta use that dual citizenship to its full advantage, right? You'll be 20 when you read this, you will just have turned 20. Isn't that crazy? I feel like I've been a teenager forever. I wonder if you're still in touch with Benedikt. He seems so free and comfortable with himself. I could never! I hate everything about myself and I don't think I'll ever be able to just... be. Just exist freely and happily. I'm emailing Sister Faustina regularly, so I hope that I haven't lost touch with her. She is such a beautiful soul, I hope that the Franciscan Sisters of Hope are doing well and that she is healthy. Speaking of health, we're in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic! It is crazy. My day to day life is really boring, all I do is stay in and watch netflix and play stardew valley and bake, but we listen to the news with dinner each night and it is scary out there. Trump is single handedly driving American into the dirt! Almost a half a million cases there alone. And we'll probably fall into a huge recession after all of this blows over. That is what really scares me. There will supposedly be an even bigger drop than in 1929! Papa was talking about how in Germany one loaf of bread could cost BILLIONS of deutsche mark and how he has a couple of stamps that have the little billion sign in their corner. I hope that you aren't going through something like that. If you are, just go join a convent. I really love the Carmelites and the Benedictines right now! Are you Catholic now? I really hope so. I want to be Catholic but Papa won't allow it. Freedom of religion my ass! At least I can do my projet personnel about habits and nuns, which is super exciting. Listen, it is almost 1 am and I am tired. I love you, okay? I hope you're still alive and well. I can't wait to be 20! Please drink some water, eat a fruit, get dressed, brush your hair. I love you and I hope that you are taking care of yourself. Do something today that will make a stranger smile! And tell Benedikt that I'm sorry for bugging him all the time with my stupid problems. Have a lovely day! And happy birthday! Kisses, 15-year-old you :)