Dear Shawn

Hey there. This email will probably never meet with your eyes but that's okay. I feel like within the timeframe I've known you I've learnt so much about myself. Knowing you ha honestly been such an emotional roller coaster. I must say you are the first person ever to throw me off my game, and i have none????.We went from being primary school classmates to total strangers who would meet eyes in the streets/ corridors, to attending the same church still as strangers. Then one day you talked me. That day might be insignificant to you but to me that's the day we went down the path were on today. After everything i have asked myself, if i could change anything about that day ( with my current knowledge of the future), would i actually do it? I have always wondered why you chose that day specifically to start taking to me. It could have been any other day, any other time, in church or in town, but it was that day. Had you continued on your way i probably would not have even noticed you had waked by. Maybe its just me, i think too much right? We started talking but we never really talked. Then you became friends with my sister and from there on things just got grim. I sometimes wonder a lot of things;
-Are we friends?
-Do you care about me?
-Do i bother you?
-Do you find me annoying when all i want to do is text you and spend time with you?
-Do you actually like me as a person or do you only tolerate me for unknown -reasons?
-What's the first thing that pops into your mind when you see a text from me?
-Do you regret meeting me?
-Did you ever regret anything about me or in regards to me?
-Does my straight forwardness annoy you?

All these questions and i never got the courage to ask them because it scares me, the answers to these questions ...
You walk around so nonchalantly it makes me feel so uneasy. There was a point where i went through a cycle where i would try to get your attention, not get then id get mad, then id try again.
Probably were all the ignoring( which I'm not proud of) came from.
At this point i honestly just pray that you find peace and heal in the presence of God. I want you to be happy and to find God in every solution, problem and even conundrums. God must really love you.

I don't know when I will see you again or under what circumstances we will meet under, but I think its time for me to focus on God and on me. I always try to control the narrative but this time around I'm doings things differently and I'm choosing to trust God and leave this in his God's hands.

Maybe one day you will get to see this or maybe you will never see this. All i know is it'll all work out in the end for my good whenever i put God forth and let him lead. You should try it, it is actually amazing????????.

For now I guess this is goodbye. I'm really going to miss you.

I wonder