Hi Jonah,

Today is March 9, 2014, in your home, at 5am in the morning:

At exactly 5 years you will get this letter...hopefully there will be changes...maybe...just maybe...

Yesterday, you\'ve been meaning to write about your experience at the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA)in Alabang Muntinlupa City Philippines. You went there to apply for Elijah\'s and Jerry\'s passport. You came from the office (from the night shift) and has been planning to travel with the kids and go to Disneyland as your treat to them for working so very hard earning money for them but you spend so less time with them...(ouch! that hurts right?). Thus you promised yourself that you\'re going to make it happen. And a good start is to get them their passports!

You were successful in applying for John\'s (after second visit) but have to go back for Elijah\'s and Jerry\'s due to additional more requirements needed. Other than you want to be angry because of this Office\'s inefficiencies, you want to do something for John and the rest of the SPECIAL KIDS in the Philippines.

As a mother with special needs you are always sensitive to matters, things which they are affected(aren\'t all mothers with one? I\'m sure ALL kinds of mothers?). You know you have been a strong mother for John...there are often times that you are lost of what else to do to help him to ensure that he will be OK when he grows up...you always have these moments that you just stare at him and fear...and pray...that HE WILL BE OK when you\'re gone...You can\'t help it...because we all know that you will go there...You always tell yourself...it\'s ok if you die today...or any day...because you know that GOD is gracious...GOD is forgiving that for all of the sins that you have committed and continually committing...HE will not let you in vain...you have been trying (though its really hard) to be hardworking...to be kind...to be generous (in a capacity that you know you can)...to be able to compromise with all of your mistakes..but EVERY TIME...every moment you look at John...you become afraid again...you always ask yourself..doubt yourself...\"Am I really ready?\"...

Anyways, it seems you got lost in writing about which this letter is for...because when it comes to John you are always sensitive...you always have a lot to say...a lot to share...

Going back...you felt kind of depressed.. because you are then again reminded of how special kids are treated...will be treated...As you were to enter the office...you told the guard, that you are just applying for Elijah\'s and Jerry\'s passport and John needs to go with you because he is special. You know that they are very strict to letting only people that are applying in due to space constraint, that is why you told them first hand. He looked at John..with a look of thinking if he will let him in or not...and end up saying that he can\'t (sad...but you kind of expected that)...and told you that someone needs to stay with him...You told \"Kuya\" that that is not possible as you need to go with Elijah as required and Jerry is applying for his...and you cannot leave John alone...you were asking yourself...does he know what he is asking??!...but anyways, you still insisted and got your way...way to go Jonah!!!

You should already be happy but after the processing everything, as you are leaving DFA...you then again felt bad...is this the world that you are going to leave your son to?!?...you felt the urge of doing something that will help this changed....

You told yourself that you will write something about this and let everyone know...and you are thinking that one way or the other...it will reach someone that can make that change...