First post. Right. This is a really new idea to me, I just kind of read a book called Things I Know About Love where the main character writes a private blog, like a diary, that she updates every day with the exciting stuff she's done.

That's fine and all, it's just she's got a brilliant life - albeit the leukemia - so she has loads of stuff o write down. Me? Well, my life's pretty crap really. The only notable thing that really stood out to me today was the fact that I saw a melted Trangia frying pan. That's about it. Nothing else new. And yet you read all of these fantastical blog posts about how amazing life is and that they can't really believe that they met the 'love of their life' please, ick. You're 18. Other people have to date around, you know? Claiming this one person is the guy (or gal) that you want to spend the rest of your life with is a bit extreme, isn't it?

Plausible, I guess. It's not like it's impossible - my mum got engaged when she was 18. Sure, the wedding never actually happened but that still counts, right?

The most that's ever happened to me is given a stinky sock in year 2, with the guy who did it claiming it to be his 'most precious possession'. Uh huh. Thanks dude I wouldn't be able to recognise if he ran into me - I was really appreciative.

That's the other thing - relationships back in primary school were so easy. It was pretty much " do you wanna go out with me?" a simple yes or no and that's it. You're together. Until one kid decides the new girl is prettier and prefers her. Don't judge, okay. I have issues. And not great ones.

So I say this because there's this boy. ***GROAN***. Jeez. That's the most overused line in ANY romance novel I've ever read - aside from 'You're gorgeous' I guess.

But yes, I do like somebody. And they know. BUT GOD DAMMNIT THEY ARE CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO TALKING!

Have you ever been in that situation in life where you're chatting to somebody but the conversation is drier than the Sahara and you're having to be the river Nile? (Which is blooming miles away but we'll overlook that snag in the metaphor?)

It's like that every single time I talk to him. He's great, in real life, funny, nice, genuine, pleasant (not like other guys who seem to think that all you would like to discuss is how big their penis is or the fact that their best 'mate' just did four girls in a week. Classy.)

Nah, Harry is pretty laid back. Kind of like me except I don't think he panics when his library books are a day overdue. Maybe I should see a therapist? Probably advisable that, actually.

I can't really understand my, what do you call it, ''attraction''. Because, well, most people say that you're supposed to have a good balance of looks and personality, right? With one or the other not too weighted? Well, I always seem to go for the no looks but brains option. But Harry...he's completely different. No, I'm not talking all looks, no brains but I'm saying balanced. Perfect amount. Not an overly smart 'nerd' who giggles at the word fart or a brain dead tramp that stares at himself in the mirror all day.

No, I mean perfect specimen. Jeez that's a creepy sentence. I hope nobody reads this back because, quite honestly, I would be shipped to a mental asylum and never allowed to see daylight again.

Yeah.

So it's a kind of new experience for me, both brains AND looks. Never really had, seen or known anybody with both. Except my granddad and step-dad (not my dad, he had none of the above. Just saying.)

I should probably do an interesting case study on sock boy. Wouldn't that make for interesting reading? (Sorry, I originally wrote this as a blog post so this could ramble on a bit.)

CASE STUDY: SOCK BOY
So, sock boy isn't exactly 'sock boy'. Yes, he did walk up to me with a stinky sock to give me but it never actually led to anything else. For some reason, 6 year old me thought it would and I can clearly remember thinking 'the king sends his courtier to deliver a message to the beautiful pauper.) Hah. Right. Because I was clearly a princess back then. Mmhmm.
Anyway, back to sock boy. It kind of died down for a little bit and then all of a sudden he announces he is leaving the school and moving (god knows where, I can just remember him telling me and me feeling slightly disgruntled that he thought I cared after 'everything that had happened' - was I mad? No, don't answer that. I know I am, I just find it very hard to believe that I thought that. And yet, I know I did.
So yeah. That was the story of Callum Prin and Connor Collins. Oddly enough, I remember that I thought I'd better not tell mum because it mustn't get out and that I would get into trouble if I did that. I think, looking back, she would have just said way to go, patted me on the back and left me to go about my business. I don't think she would have cared.

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So where are you at with Harry, now, future self? I'm sure you guys have gone out or at least discussed going out by now, right? I am writing this to send to you in a year's time - the boy really can't be that slow can he? I think you've been friendzoned, personally anyway. And that's coming from the person that knows you best.

The odd thing about Harry is that he causes so many mixed emotions in me. I hope you're much wiser now. You are fifteen after all. Wow. Fifteen. That's quite something. But you really need to experience kissing, Bella. Seriously - you're going to miss out on your youth practising kissing on your elbow. If Harry's not going to do something, get out there and find someone for god's sakes. They're not going to bite you (if they do, make sure it's the good kind) and everyone has probably had their first kiss by now.

ALEXIA IS PROBABLY TEASING YOU FOR BEING A KISSING VIRGIN FOR GOD'S SAKES. GET ON WITH IT WOMAN.

That's what you become at fifteen, right? Mum's always saying that you become a lady at thirteen and a woman at fifteen and then an adult at eighteen. Aren't they all the same thing? I mean, a lady is a highly regarded person who has standards and morals (psst, you have none. There's the first hole in mum's theory). A woman is somebody who has at least kissed somebody on the cheek before - and they have also probably had sex. There's the second hole with mum's theory. And at eighteen - how on earth can you be an adult? You're relying on student loans with no job and an already absent father who trickles £10 a year into your bank account for 'textbooks'. Yeah. Uh huh. Totally an adult, mum.

SO I hope, fifteen year old me, that you are not really beating yourself up too much over this. Sure, you're clearly a wet blanket - why the bloody hell haven't you snogged someone yet? But it's not that big a deal if you're not a 'woman'. Because, as we've established, a woman is clearly a financially, emotionally and clinically stable person. And you are (most likely) not a single one of these things.

I know you're probably really stressed for your mocks right not - when are they, April? But, honestly. It's not your real GCSEs. These exams are just there to give you a bit of practice in answering the questions correctly and not with "KILL ME AND I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE". As much as you'd probably like to do that right about now.

Please tell Alexia how much I love her. She's probably fangirling over the new season of Sherlock or Grimm or some other stupid program, right? Please just give her a hug and tell her how beautiful she is (I'm not a paedophile, I'm just a nice person, chill!)

Look, long and short of it all, I hope you're having a great time and that you will never forget all these memories that you made back here in 2016 - I can't wait to see what they are!

Loads of love, hugs and kisses,
Bella (from 2016, duh!)

P.S- What rank are you now at Cadets? How about Nicole? Hope you are both doing well, you must be corporal now, surely? xxx