Hi self, it's me your 2021 self.

Right now I'm on my midterms week of 1st Year in Architecture school. I'm really having a tough time right now because i am not currently in the best state of mind. Right now, I have a challenge to make for myself– to stay focused. If you are wondering what's been bothering me, it's because you're current partner just told you last night that you can't hang out with him if he's with his friends. I get it . I get that I can't, and I wouldn't even choose to. I just wanted his approval or some sort of wanting me to be there because it has been unfair for me; to allow him to let him join with me when i go out with MY circle of friends and then he wants to join; I do let him, but it is so unfair and offensive how he made me feel that he didn't make me feel welcome or wanted because I think i feel like i need to be wanted and I wanted to please people. I hate that I felt it this way. I hate that I wanted everyone's approval. I hate that I hate you being like this. I hope you've changed and I hope everything changed. I hope you moved on or I hope things improved. (ENGLISH ENDS HERE GIKAPOY NAKO OG ENGLISH)

You made a lot of video diaries, I hope you still have a copy of them although it's been years. You should rewatch them (if you still can) I said a bunch of relevant things there about this topic.

I don't what my 2-years-from-now-self to read this because theres a big chance nga busy kaayo ko and I don't want to be overwhelmed by some random email from the past. so here you go! I hope you're already an architect kay gipa dugay jd nako ni og ayo nga email para lang masigurado nako nga madawat ni nimo sa appropriate nga time. Actually, I wonder if you really pursued architecture? You shifted na, so I guess you're not shifting for the second time na diba? unless you found what your heart really desires. right now, I'm still not convinced nga this is the right path for me. Tbh, I don't even know why I wrote a future letter for my 6-yr-later self kay I dont even have a plan on staying that long man gud.

I'm planning on dying at the age of 22. I wish mabuhat na nako na, i wish i have the guts to finally do it. I want a painless death. Is there such thing? I don't want attention. I just want to not exist, I don't want anyone to remember me. If there's anyone I would join with me, it's no one. I came here on earth alone, and I'm getting the hell out of here alone. I've been alone my whole life and no one is ever there. I mead there are a few people, esp K, she's one of the reason I'm staying. Mainly the reason why I'm staying. I don't want her to feel bad and blame herself for not stopping me from doing 'it'. She did everything. I guess? I believe.

I hope you two are still best of friends; if not, please call her now. Catch up with you future dentist.

sa karon akong ma ingon rajud, write new songs, make a music video. Go to LA, go to NY, get yourself some almond latte, at philz. Thanks me laters.
anyway, please be happy. dont be sad na zeb, or archi (?)

DONT BE SAD, IT'S A WASTE OF TIME
- BILLIE

I LOVE YOU MY 2027 SELF.


LOVE, YOUR 2021 SELF <3