Dear FutureMe,
hey, thinking about you yet again. I got in a fight because mom was mistreating Dadi and so I stepped in. But dad didn't stand up for her and she didn't stand up for herself so I looked like I was overdoing it by saying anything at all. I don't understand why I continuously keep standing up for people when no one gives a fuck about me. Farimah and I aren't talking right now for a reason that I don't know. I thought it would be hard to stay away from her since she was my only friend I could rely on. But, it's actually been okay since I hangout at Christina's car now. I know I fucked up by taking mom's car out and crashing it but like I really wish I was like the other kids and could take driving classes and get a car in some point of time, and not to be dramatic but I don't think there's a chance for that anymore. I mean I'm sure they weren't going to go through with it to begin with but now they have an excuse not to. Not going to lie, life is really shitty right now. I found dad's hiding spot and smoked his cigarette today when I realized moms not home. I feel like I spent so much of my childhood praying and begging to leave this house and the fact that you're so close to it right now makes me so jealous and proud at the same time. Mom was threatening to kill herself yesterday but obviously didn't go through with it. I felt so bad for saying this but a part of me was disappointed. I felt like my life would have been so much easier without her. Not to say that that's the only option, but Idk idk anything anymore. I still fantasize about the day I have my own apartment in a big beautiful city with a marble kitchen and cute dining chairs and a husband I'm in love with. And how every day we would go out for coffee or lunch and I could walk around the beautiful city we live in and breathe in the cold air. I can't wait for the day that I get up out of bed and into a beautiful upgraded shower and shower until I feel beautiful and step out onto a soft shower mat and comb my long black hair while I'm still naked looking at my skinny body in the mirror and finally feeling pretty. I can't wait to get out of the bathroom after being dressed and making a cup of coffee and staring out the window of my apartment watching the busy cars drive by to wherever they are going and thinking of how amazing life is. Then I would feed the dog and grab my purse and take the elevator down to the garage where my car was waiting for me. I'd drive even further downtown, by the beach, and park into my office building and take the elevator up to my office where my fellow businessmen were waiting for me. On the way to there people would be saying "Goodmorning Taylor" and I'd look out the window and half of the office window was overlooking the ocean and the other half was overlooking downtown. Then I'd work as hard as I could because I love my job. Afterwards, I'd finish up and get a call from my husband that said he wanted to come pick me up and take me somewhere special. He'd come get me and I'd get in the car begging to know where the surprise is but he'd say "I guess you'll have to see for yourself" and we would drive in his convertible and there would be wind in my hair and we'd be blasting Taylor Swift. Then he'd pull up to the beach where a yacht awaited us and I cover my face with my hands shocked because I love him so much and he knows me so well. He'd open my door and take my hand and guide me out of the car onto the cruise while my ocean blue thin-strapped dress would be fluttering because of the ocean waves. He'd take me to our table on the Yacht and I'd sit alongside the railing propping my elbow against it with my sunglasses keeping my hair back and hold hands with him and stare into his ocean blue or emerald green eyes knowing that everything about my life was absolutely perfect and everything that little 16-year-old girl wanted 10 years ago finally came true.

Hey, so needless to say life isn't the best right now and I kind of went on a tangent of my perfect life to escape from the reality of this one. But college apps are probably over for you right now and you're living it up in wherever your perfect ass lands up because you deserve everything good in the world and more. I'm working my ass off for you right now with my 4 weighted classes and 2 classes outside of school so you better be fucking enjoying life because you deserve it boo. As long as you're not addicted to drugs, dead, or pregnant I'm proud of you. I love you so much and I hope I see you soon. Bye baby girl we'll talk again soon.