Dear Me:
I wrote this letter at February 23, 2016, 10:52 am. I’m writing this letter for myself, for the me that will become 10 years from now.
Hi me!!! How are you doing right now?? Did you graduate? Get a job?? Did you finally start your dream of travelling the world?? But most importantly are you happy??
I wanted to write this letter because maybe 10 years from now, I won’t be able to remember what I once was, you know how forgetful I can be.
I have friends in college, akalain mo yun, nagkaroon ako ng kaibigan?? Mga kalog din katulad ko, pero mas nakakasama ko si Cai, pero malapit din sa akin si Bachy. Ang kukulit nila, lakas ng mga trip, ang kala ko dati magiging loner ako nung nag shift ako sa Psych. Nagging leader din ako sa Soc. Cul naming, nakakainis kasi ayaw na ayaw kong naasa ang tao sa akin, kanina nga kailangan ko pang magalit para seryosohin nila ako. Tapos sa Research naming, kinakabahan ako kasi kailangan naming idefend yung research naming tapos feeling naming konti yung Guidance ng professor naming about dun. Nakakapagod tong sem na to na gusto ko na siyang matapos at sana makapasa kaming lahat. Tapos, nahihiya ako pag nakakakita ako ng mga kaklase ko sa HS, kasi gusto ko Makita nila ako pag madami nang nagbago sa akin. And I love wattpad, I love anime, I love movies and the little interesting things that happen to me everyday.
You know future self, I worry too much, care too much of what other people think of me and despite my confident act, it was never enough, sometimes their criticism still gets to me, of how people just carelessly call me fat, a pig without regards to my feelings. I was and am human after all. Despite my brave front, I still hurt though I don’t want other people to see it.
I also have this pessimistic view of the world, of how people, regardless of their good intention will hurt you back, but you know the irony of it all, I still believe that happy endings linger in the corner, most especially when I read a good book with an amazing story. I still dreamt of it you know, of meeting someone whether new or a person from the past and fall helplessly and irrevocably in love. The kind of love that made you weak in the knees but strong at the heart, the kind of love the can be scary yet exciting at the same time, the kind of love that is true and will last a lifetime.
And despite my disagreement of being in love with someone whenever I’m with my friends, despite my boyish front, I still wish and I still long to be with someone who I can share my everything and he to me too, can reveal his inner self and I wish he is a man like my father, masipag at mapagmahal sa pamilya, I wish he could be my best friend, who can make me laugh and share anything and everything, and I wish a lover, who will love and accept me as I am.
Speaking of family, do you know, that there are times na nasasakal ako sa kanila? Na minsan nakakainis na ang tingin pa din nila sa akin is Bata?? Na tingin nila na di ko pa din kaya?? Siguro nga tama sila, tapos minsan naiinis ako kasi ako na lang lagi ang nagbabantay kay Tatay sa hospital,( pero after kong isipin yun magu-guilty ako) na feeling ko dahil sa pagkawala ni Mommy, sa pagkasakit ni Tatay, minsan feeling ko kailangan kong lumaki agad?? Kailangan ko maging mature para di na ako makasagabal sa kanila?
That my dream, my real dream is to be Free… I know how broad the word “Free or freedom” meant, but whenever I hear that word, it’s like a distance promise, of happiness that I longed for it. I wanted to be free of expectations, of scrutiny, of responsibilities and just be…. Free.
Dear future self, I’ll end the letter here kasi baka makabuo ako ng nobela at gusto ko na ding matulog kasi waley akong pasok bukas. Hahahaha. But future self, I wish your happy, I wish you finally realized who you are and your purpose in life, and your alive and not merely surviving, I wish if you would look back, there will be a grin on your face and not an ounce of regret, I wish you’ll be more confident in yourself, both your appearance and your ability and promise me that you’ll be happy, that you laugh, for real and not to just appease others, I wish you’ll have a back bone like that protagonist Lilly Linton or like Mrs. Maxfield and how she show kindness and influence other people in the higher society, or like how Veronica Strafford take a chance in loving Caleb Lockhart.

Sincerely,
Shaira Tadeja