Dear Hon,

I am not sure when will you receive this email or what will happen to the two of us after I write this email. I feel sad today that's why I am writing this email. I want to tell you a lot of things without us being magkagalit or without me saying it in a way na makakasakit ako at magagalit ka or magtatampo. Natatakot ako magsalita or magkwento or magpahayag ng feelings kasi magkaibang magkaiba tayo ng pananaw sa mga bagay bagay. Pero alam mo today I realized pareho lang talaga tayo ng gusto, mga simpleng bagay: yung hug na walang sawa, yung hug na walang panghuhusga, yung kiss na parang love na love mo ako, yung pagiging clingy.

Today, I wanted you to hug me. I wanted you to be so clingy. I wanted to feel physically na ang sweet sweet mo. BUT IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

On the day na marereceive mo 'tong email ko, I want you to know na simple lang ako. baka kasi di mo pa din alam. baka tingin mo complicated ako. Sa totoo lang: sobrang babaw ko. Sobrang selfless ako. Sobrang ma-service ako. Gusto ko malaman mo na gusto ko maging THE ONE for you pero gusto ko din na maging THE ONE ka for me. Every time nalulungkot ako or nagkakagalit tayo naiisip ko na hindi ako ang THE ONE for you at hindi ka din THE ONE para sakin. Hindi ko alam. Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo ko. Alam ko gustong gusto kita pero sometimes ang sakit sakit na.

Heto lang sa sobrang babaw ko: kiss mo lang ako ng madaming beses at hug mo ako. okay na ako. sa totoo lang gusto ko ng hazel na sweet. yung hindi ko kailangan manghingi ng hug or kiss mo kasi kusa mo bibigay. yung di ko kailangan ipaalala sayo. when you receive this email, please hug me. just hug me and tell me "jen tanga tanga mo. ikaw pinakatangang babae ever. pinakasensitive. pinakamatigas ulo. pinakamakulit. pinakamadrama. pinakamaarte. pinakashabungera. pero sobrang mahal mo si hazel na nababaliw ka na. regardless kung ikaw ang THE ONE or not, live each day. love yourself more. whatever happens, ang importante meron kang Hazel. anuman kahinatnan, kayo man or hindi na, it is meant to be. When you asked Hazel from Lord God, He gave her to you. But He never told you it will be forever. Kaya be happy JEN. be better. God loves you. your mom, your dad, your ate, your pamangkins, your ate jo and so much more - they all love you. so smile :)"

Alam mo hanggang ngayon, may tampo pa din ako sayo dahil sa ginawa mo sa letter ko. i know i deserve it somehow pero masakit eh. sa bawat letter na sinusulat at ginagawa ko. lahat yun may kasamang prayers hopes and wishes. at the time na sinulat ko yun, ikaw lang nasa isip ko, tayo lang, future natin. ako, sarili ko kung panu maging okay. panu magbago. but when you tear it apart and throw it. it's making me realized i will never change. i am hopeless. and i feel that every day, somehow pinapaniwala ko sarili ko na i dont deserve what you did. if matalino ako, the moment you did that, i shouldve walked away. yung feeling na yung bagay na pinaghirapan ko, bagay na pinaghandaan at pinagisipan ko ay nawala lang ng ganun kasi para sayo di naman ako marunong tumupad sa mga nakasulat doon. ang sakit sakit lang kasi naniniwala na ako sayo. ang sakit sakit lang kasi kahit sarili ko di ko na mapagtanggol. di ko na masabi na I DONT DESERVE IT kahit ganu pa kasam ugali ko I DONT DESERVE IT. but you made me believe that i dservse what happened. it is so crazy that ako sa sarili ko di ko mabigytan ng hustisya. yung hindi ko man lang mapagtanggol kasi nga i deserve the bad things.

this letter is going nowhere. i am just sad today. maybe later or tom everything will change. maybe when you read this, you will feel galit sakin even more or maybe magiguilty ka. or maybe you will hate me. whatever it is. i deserve it. when you read this letter, sana nakakatawa na. sana mapagtawanan na lang to. sana ang drama drama ko lang dito. sana wala lang to. i still want this letter to reach you. I LOVE YOU HON. I am the craziest person you met siguro. maybe I AM NOT THE ONE FOR YOU OR MAYBE I AM. i dont think it matters anymore. I love you now. And I know I still love you when you receive this and read this. I don't know how long will I love you. But I do and I care for you despite all my imperfections. Despite all my flaws and my evil side. I know I love you more than you'll ever know. #noedits #katamadmag-edit