Dear Future me,

June 7, 2021 3:15PM

While you are writing you thought your phone doesn't have enough signal for internet not to received messages but only to find out wala ragud siya ni reply diay.

It's been 2 months already since things ended but it feels like years already, things have changed a lot which you are having a hard time catching up with those changes.

You've become two separate individuals already which you can't even recognize that person anymore, the person you love and like that much left that day she made a choice, and she choice to give you up and leave you behind as part of a mistake and lesson. She keeps telling you what happened was mistake, and made her realized that friendship is more important than anything else. But you can't even feel the friendship anymore.

After the incident everything shifted to 360 degrees for that 30 minutes, you made plans you've talked but only to find out those are just words, words with no meaning behind, words that crushed your world to expect something else, you hope that maybe just maybe things will fall or end up different. You have been hurt most you beg to talk you cried a lot, you were hurt like you never imagine that pain and that pain is still haunting you up to now.

Everything ended March 21, 2021. which you will never forget, that day was a nightmare that day was the worst date of the year. You where broken yet no one understand you've struggle everyday but no one see's it, even you don't understand those demons inside of you.

After those incident you tried to get close again wishing things would changed, you push all whats left not to make regrets but the more you pushed the more she distant herself you where left there hanging and alone. You tried to make her feel that you also regret you tried to tell her you where hurt, but the more she slapped you with hurtful things, things that crushed you more and more and left nothing but hole, hole that until now was never repaired hole that made you hallow inside, the best part of you was gone, you gave her nothing but pure love and clean intention.

All those good memories you had was fading and left nothing but pain, you are angry at her but you can't unlove her, you wish all those memories will disappear. Why does she acted that as if nothing happened what are those moments?

Early last month May you've heard they broke up, but sad truth was she was already with someone else new and closer. You felt so much pain which you are trying to hide, which you are trying to force a smile with your heart crushing inside. everything inside of you is screaming in pain and anger all those demons inside can no longer be controlled.

Why do you always look so pathetic? why do you always hope why can you just let go? She's happy with someone new, you are no longer part of her, you are already forgotten, why do you still feel excited to she her when she did nothing but brought you pain? and you know when you will be in Negros it will just worsen your feelings seeing her with someone you will just crashed you more million pieces.

Stop please, just stop. If she wants to be with you she'll show it, if she wants to make contact with you she'll do it like she did before but everything is crystal clear now.