To Me

This is kinda awkward ngl...


Im not doing so well at the moment (what's new i know :-)) so just wanted to check in and hear from you. Happy Birthday btw!

As I sit here between the four walls of my room, I cant help but feel like i am in my final moments on this beautiful Earth. I'm afraid the damned thoughts have been allowed to mature graciously in their torment, especially this past year. I cant seem to drown them out anymore. My mind feels like a star gently collapsing in on itself and the life is being sucked out of me by the black hole that is anxiety. No one can see that the pain is becoming unbearable other than you and me.

Naturally I found myself reminiscing about the moments we shared together for the last 2 decades. The ups and downs, tears and joy. Ah, Happiness doesn't like to visit much these days... Anyway I'm intrigued to know what the other side may hold for me...The future! (It's okay i dont mind spoilers).

First of all, Did you survive? I sure hope so! You are so special and i wish that you live life to the fullest, achieving the plethora of goals and dreams you have for yourself. Help others, lift others and make your mark on the world. The only way you can do that by being kind to YOU. Mould your character and then project yourself onto others (not literally mate) (Hmmm...*Catapult added to basket*).

How are the family? I KNOW the siblings are still annoying LOL. But i want to hear that you are loving them more (+Mum+Dad) despite arguments etc. I really really really hope that whatever you are doing (in terms of career, whether you get your degree or not, whether you get married or not + general human stuff) that they are proud of you. That's all i could ask for before i leave, that's mainly all I've ever wanted even if I didn't show it. (I feel like a bit of a burden at the moment tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯).

Now, how are YOU? Did you find peace within yourself? Are you happy in the present? Did you manage to overcome your issues? I hope and pray that you become the man that i always wanted to be. I want you to accept and love yourself. Find someone (Ia) that loves you for who you are (regardless of your flaws, what you look like etc.). Oh and be nice to her, ALWAYS ♥. Be kind to your children (ia) ALWAYS ♥. Never EVER EVER EVER forget your parents ♥ and never EVER EVER EVER EVER forget GOD ♥.

I have to cut this short unfortunately because it's prayer time. Although the road now feels like a dark and lonely one, life is too beautiful to let go. Please maintain that. Hold on and dont let your temporary despair dwarf the plan of God. I owe it to the world to reflect the beauty that i see in it. From the twinkling eyes of people to the peaceful swaying of trees. Just LIVE and let your ambition take you to the moon.

Remember you are already a champion. Now go and get your belt!

Genuinely All the best,
Umar